We’ve been silent for awhile. Thank you for your patience. The following will explain.
***
On December 24th, 1950, my wife’s father, Kermit Hammond, drove one of the last trucks onto a U.S. Navy ship at the port of Hungnam, North Korea. Moments later, army and navy explosive teams blew up abandoned allied weapons and supplies to keep them out of the hands of the advancing Chinese Communist forces. He was one of nearly 100,000 allied soldiers – and another 100,000 North Korean refugees – who were a part of what has come to be known as the Korean Dunkirk. In a matter of days, two hundred thousand soldiers and refugees were evacuated to safety. Over the years, Kermit has told us the story of how close he and his comrades came to death at Hungnam.
That was not his only or even closest call. On one occasion he was driving his communications truck in a convoy along a rutted dirt road. The trick, he said, was to stay in the tracks of the vehicle in front of you. If the guy in front of you didn’t hit a land mine, neither would you. Suddenly, the truck behind him blew up, killing every man inside. The trailing vehicle was heavier than Kermit’s by a few hundred pounds setting off the mine his truck had been too light to trigger.
After Korea, Kermit worked at a steel plant in Gadsden, Alabama. His steel plant stories, as you might imagine, were a sight more entertaining than his war stories. They included memorable characters like Moose, Too Tall and Booger. But it was hot, dirty and often dangerous work. Some of his coworkers suffered severe injuries in that plant. Some died there.
Whether serving his country, millwrighting in the steel plant or working his farm, Kermit knew how to handle himself. He was comfortable with hard work, big machines and large animals. If you asked, and if it was within his power, he’d do anything in the world for you. My father-in-law was a man’s man. But time and age catch up with the strongest.
A few weeks after Lisa’s mom passed away, we moved Kermit to a memory care facility in Huntsville. It was a scant two miles from our house so we were able to drop in multiple times a day to check on him. Things were going pretty well until he fell and broke his leg. That resulted in a hospital stay followed by rehab. During that time, it became clear that the best place for him was at home with us. If you have a loved one in an assisted living, memory care or some other facility, please do not draw any judgment from our decision. The needs of each family and each family’s aging member are unique.
So for the last couple of months Lisa, Kermit and I have been learning a new and difficult dance. And the first thing we have learned is that while the music sometimes slows down, it never stops. Kermit has advanced Parkinson’s disease. Everything you do to feed, bathe, cloth and care for yourself has to be done for him. His ability to swallow is so compromised that Lisa blends all of his food or thickens all of his liquids to the consistency of yogurt. She spoons every bite he eats and every drop he drinks into his mouth.
We do not consider our care for him to be a burden. It is, rather, a blessing. But as any caregiver will tell you, the blessing walks hand in hand with a lot of hard work. The hardest work, though, falls to the one receiving the care. Often, when I see Kermit straining to swallow or struggling to make sense of a reality that Parkinson’s related dementia has confused, I remember a story at the end of John’s gospel.
The last scene opens on a note of grace. Jesus’ resurrection has proven that death is not as final as the disciples had feared. He asks Peter the same penetrating question three times. Each time Peter answers, Jesus recommissions him to continue serving in the Kingdom. For those of us whose spiritual resumes include epic failure, this tender scene confers enormous hope.
But the passage also pricks us with a needle of truth. Jesus says to Peter, “I tell you the truth, when you were younger you dressed yourself and went where you wanted; but when you are old you will stretch out your hands, and someone else will dress you and lead you where you do not want to go.”
That’s the part that connects with my father-in-law’s story.
When he was young, Kermit was fully in charge of his own life. He dressed himself, went where he wanted to go and did what he wanted to do. Now, nearly every decision is made for him. What he wears. What, when and how much he eats. Which room he occupies. Whether he lies in the bed or sits in a chair. The temperature of the room, the television channel he watches, the time he gets up or goes to bed. Age and disease have taken from him all but the last ounce of autonomy.
But not his dignity. Human dignity is intrinsic. It traces further back than the miracle of man’s creation to the moment when God the Father turned to God the Son and God the Spirit and said, “Let us make man in our image and in our likeness.”
Respect is earned. Dignity is conferred. It derives not from our ability to add value to another’s life but from the image of God in whose likeness we were created. Whether we can plumb the deep mysteries of science or need someone to wipe the spittle from the corners of our mouth, we are possessed of inherent, essential and irrevocable worth.
If I am able to remember anything at all when someone else dresses and leads me, I hope I remember that.
Jody, thank you so much for this. It is incredibly beautiful and touched me in so many ways.
I hope you don’t mind if I share this.
Anita
Share away, Anita. Thank you.
Wow. Amazingly put — God bless you all. Thank you for reminding us of this.
Magnificent, Jody.
We love you both and Kermit too
although we’ve never met him.
I think Lisa favors him.
JV
Tears are flowing for the amazing man he was and the awesome man he still is. Admiration and empathy fill my heart for you and Lisa. Although my daddy has dementia, he still talks about Uncle Kermit guiding him in which areas and directions he needed to go when he first went into the Army in 1954. You are all in my thoughts and prayers.
One of the most beautiful things I’ve ever read. Tears! So many tears for him & for you & Lisa too. Tears that mine are safe in the arms of Jesus, although I miss them so much it hurts.
Have missed your blog. So sorry to hear about Lisa Mom and Dad. I have walked in those shoes taking care of Ron mother and small child and working. It’s not easy. We now become the parents. Will be praying for you and Lisa. Love and miss you both.
Jody and Lisa, many will not fully understand the sacrifices you have made to Care for Lisa’s father. Nor will they fully understand the sacrifices he has made in lifes transitions. We have been where you are with Carol’s parents. God bless you and Lisa and her father.
Jody, this is beautiful. Like nothing I have ever heard…it touched my heart down to my soul. I too hope that if I am able to remember anything at all when someone else dresses and leads me, I hope I remember this. God bless you and Lisa and her precious daddy.
Jody, beautifully said! Prayers for all 3 of you as your dance continues until our gracious God stops the music.
It’s so hard for the strong to become the weak. Amazing love is being shown by you and Lisa❤️ . Prayers and blessings for you three!!!
I am crying. God bless you and Lisa. May we all be so lucky to have such loving caregivers when our time comes.
Wonderful thoughts, Jody! Thank you for sharing. Praying for you, Lisa and Mr. Kermit today.
Oh dear Jody and LISA my prayers and love are with you. As always
Jody you do such a great job of reminding us about the realities of life.
It is an honor to take care of our parents. Thank for sharing this.
Will pray God gives each of you that measure of strength you need
For this time in your lives.
Love you, dear friend. “I’m fully known, and loved by God,” as the song says. So are you; so is he.
It is so very good to hear from you again Jody!
Your words are absolutely precious – and I love and appreciate you and Lisa for your Christ-like hearts! May God keep the two of you – and dear Mr. Kermit – in His care.
We hope to visit Twickenham soon…We’ve missed you all!
We are now in this walk with Howard’s mom, and your words ring true and are a blessing. Thank you. My prayers are with all of you.
Thank you Jody! Beautiful story so well put. The journey isn’t easy but the love of our Savior makes it worthwhile. Although you are his children you are also Christ to him, loving, kind, merciful and faithful!
May the good Lord bless you three during these days.
Dementia and Parkinsons is Tough on all. I will keep you all on my thoughts and prayers
This is so very familiar. We danced a similar dance with three of our four parents. It is heart breaking yet joy inducing. Prayers for all three of you on this journey.
God bless you, Lisa and Kermit. Good to have you back.
Jody…Please tell Lisa I said she has a wonderfully smart husband. ….. just a beautiful piece.. I’ve always thought the world of that man and his wife. .. I love you all…
thank you
Wow. This touches heart and soul Jody. Appreciate your sharing some of Kermit’s life story and particularly the poignant description of the current situation and the striking comparison to Jesus’ statement to Peter. So many with aging family members relate to the challenges and the blessing of this phase of life. You and Lisa continue to be a blessing even and especially in this dance.
Bless your sweet hearts! We will keep you all in our prayers. Sweet,sweet Lisa-you a re truly an angel. As my daddy would say you all are “good stock.” We love you and miss you!
Very well written. A commendation of a man who obviously was patriotic, faithful to the Lord and you all are now living an exemplary life as a Christian family
Bill Long
Jody, I have missed your blog. That was a touching story of your father in law’s life. What an example for the kids in the family. I will pray for God to give you and Lisa the strength to endure the challenges you will encounter. God bless you both.
Jody and Lisa my heart breaks for you. I have taken care of my mother and father and I know the sacrifice you’re making. But I know you wouldn’t have it any other way. Thank you for this beautiful tribute about Lisa’s Daddy. Tears are falling as I pray for your strength. Biggest of hugs.
Excellent description of love in action. May God bless you 3 with fulfilling your needs at just the right time!
Such moving words and so beautifully written. Jody you have a gift – putting into words some of life’s blessings and hardships. I will be praying for you, Lisa and Kermit. There is no sweeter honor than caring for a parent. Love you both.
May God bless Kermit, the two of you, and others caring for him. Your parents’ life-long dedication to caring for your sister is a legacy example for all families to follow – especially in caring for their own.
1 Cor. 13:7 “(Love) always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
What a sweet tribute to Lisa’s father and also to all others who have or are losing their “marketability”. May we continue to look at others with God’s eyes and see how they, and we all, are loved.
Jody and Lisa, you stay on my mind so often. This beautiful and powerful glimpse into Lisa’s father’s history and life helps me feel like I know him and can lift him up in prayer more specifically as I think on his life story and handsome face. Thank you for sharing this, thank you for the dance you are learning now as you encourage so many others who have been there, are there and will be there soon. We love you. Tammy and Dan
Such a wonderful post and very timely for me. Thank you! Blessings to both you and Lisa as you continue to care for her dad in your home. We miss y’all here in Athens.