We chose that particular church because we figured it would be the place we were least likely to see someone we knew, or someone who knew us. It was out of our driving pattern, distant from where most of our friends and acquaintances lived, and not a part of our religious tribe. We wanted — we needed — to go to church because we wanted to stay connected to God. But we were not ready to reconnect with God’s people. That may be hard for you to read if you’ve never been there, but we were both pretty beaten up; me by my own choices and her . . . well, by being married to a man who made some bad choices.
Or, maybe you have been there and you wish I hadn’t stirred up some bad memories of a season in your life you’d rather forget. Anyway, when you’ve been shredded by shame, being noticed is the last thing you want.
I knew we’d miscalculated before we made it to the front door. A clutch of members, all wearing the same tee shirts, had formed a gauntlet through which legendary Georgia running back Herschel Walker would not have been able to plow. They were handing out bags of popcorn and snapping our picture with digital cameras. We held up our hands to block the cameras like indicted co-conspirators trying to shield their faces from the press. If I’d been wearing a jacket, I might have pulled it over my head.
To their credit, the friendly greeters dialed down their welcome as soon as they realized we were uncomfortable. We moved briskly into the auditorium and eased into a couple of seats in the back, grateful that this was one of those churches that keeps the house lights dim to sharpen the images on the screens. That had the salutary effect of making it easier for us to hide. Soon enough the service started and we were able to relax, confident that everyone’s attention was focused on the stage. The music was pretty decent. The sermon was interesting. The popcorn, though, needed more butter. We left just a shade early to make good our escape.
A Word To The Reluctant
First, a word to the reluctant — those who leave the car in the garage on Sunday mornings because it hurts less to stay at home. Your reasons for being reticent to return to church may be different than mine were. But whether you feel shame for something you did or anger for something that was done to you, the effect is the same; whatever it is, it’s keeping you away from something you need.
In my darkest moments, I needed to be with God’s people — even when, for
shame, I could barely lift my eyes to see where I was going. I needed to hear the songs we sing, even if I had no voice. I needed to hear the words of the text, even when they sounded hard and accusing. I needed to taste the dry bread and swallow that thimble full of grape juice, even — especially — when I felt least deserving to sit at The Table.
Maybe you can’t go back to the church you once called home. I get that. But you need to go somewhere. If you do — and I hope you will — they’ll be friendly and welcoming and may even hand you a bag of semi-buttery popcorn. But, if your experience is anything like mine, you’ll be afraid. Afraid that if they find out about your baggage or anger or whatever it is that has kept you away, they’ll be less welcoming the next time you walk through their doors. I get that, too.
But I’m betting your fear is unfounded. Because the people I’ve encountered all have something in common; they’ve got stories, too. Some, just like mine. Some, even darker. Or they’ve got family members that made a mess of things. So having a story doesn’t make you unusual or strange. In an odd way, it makes you seem like someone who already belongs with that particular collection of sullied saints.
A Word To The Regulars
If you’re a regular church goer, you’ve been told over and again how important it is to be friendly to visitors. And it is. Most churches even have greeter ministries staffed with gregariously gifted folks who put a smile on the face of Sunday morning. That’s not a bad thing. It’s wise to designate someone to direct guests to the sanctuary, hand them a program or to answer the question most visitors have when they first walk into the building: where’s the bathroom?
But church is a little like Rick Harrison’s World Famous Gold & Silver Pawn Shop in Las Vegas — you never know what’s going to walk through those doors. Most folks who visit will be glad to be greeted. They’ll look you in eye, return your smile and offer a firm handshake.
Some folks, though, will come with their hearts so full of struggle, pain or fear, that a spirited greeting seems about as appropriate as Happy Birthday cupcakes at a funeral. I’m not suggesting that we water down our welcome. But it might be a good idea if we stationed some emotionally agile people in the lobby; sisters or brothers whom God has gifted to be sensitive, discerning and attuned to how others feel. It could be that a gentle welcome, warmly offered works better than a cheer squad doing handsprings across the parking lot.
Well said Jody!! Miss u so much
Your insight amazes me and at the same time fills me with hope.
So proud to call you and Lisa my friends. Love you both.
Powerful brother, I know this was a difficult write but it is one we all need to hear to get back on the path. Thank you Jody for being you!
I can relate to just about every part of your article. There are times I go “hide” at different churches simply to have some time where I can connect with God without distraction. I often think of the quote from Ghandi: “I have no problem with Jesus, its his followers I can’t stand.”
Jody – you have a great thing going with your writing. Keep up the great work.
Thank you Jody! Love you and miss seeing you and Lisa!
Jody,
You and I have same experiences but different stories. In fact, I’m not sure I can write my story if I could. However, I have learned and continue to learn the importance of church and having a church family.
I appreciate you and Lisa! Thanks for blogging.
Thank you so much for sharing the ‘real’ struggles in life, as we all have them, and have felt similar things at one time or another. It is very encouraging to me to read your blog.
Once again your words so completely bring a message we all need to hear and take to heart. We sometimes forget why we are coming together. I remember you saying one time, “God is the only spectator in worship.” I see Him with great love and so much compassion when He sees us realizing the importance of gathering with others to worship Him, especially when He know how hard it is sometimes! Love to you and Lisa
Thank you for sharing ‘real’ issues with us, Jody. Most of us have experienced what you are describing at some point in our lives. Your blogs are very encouraging to me. Teach on, brother!
Jody, Thank you for your willingness to share. This touched my heart and really spoke to me. I have a log of baggage that I wish I could resolve. I know about the hyper-greeters. Sometimes they make me feel worse. Love you and so glad to call you and Lisa my friends.
You still inspire us.
This made me cry. I’m one of the greeters at my congregation every Sunday. Your words put an entirely new perspective on how I see the people who walk through our doors. I will pray every Sunday morning to be more sensitive and loving.
Thanks for a great, important read. Your perspective is a huge value.
Thank you for glimpsing into my heart and giving me the courage to try it again… Be blessed beyond measure~
Jody, the words you pen here remind us that the darkest night of the soul seems less overwhelming when there are glints of light (other children of God) keeping watch with us. We need each other. As C.S. Lewis once said, “We read to know we are not alone.” Your blog serves to remind us all of that truth. Thank you for your bravery to speak. It has blessed and challenged me tremendously.
What would Terry and I have done without you and Lisa throwing out the “lifeline” to us? In our darkest hours you two were a beacon of light and words of wisdom along with hearts of love. Not to mention the grins. . .
Thanks for this Jody. I will be “tuning in” as it were to check out your further posts.
Wow! Love you so much! Thanks for blogging.
I’ve known those feelings. It’s hard to pin down what exactly; there are many things I’ve not put away. Often, I just don’t feel like going. I’ve had several health issues over the last several years and fatigue is still a problem as well as depression. I like what you said. Good attitude. I feel like whenever I take a step forward, it seems as though I can’t get there or stay there. I plan to try again very soon. Thanks for the encouragement.
Jody,
Truly an inspirational message. Your honesty and openness is an encouragement to us all. You are a man of God and Lisa is a woman of God, no doubt about that.
Marsy Thomas
So well said, Jody. Been there. I stayed away…..for a long time. Couldn’t believe that God could still love me much less the people at the old church or any new churches. Once again, I underestimated all concerned.
Very glad that you are doing this. I hope you know how much you are respected, loved, appreciated & forgiven.
Ironically Andrea and I are in Atlanta sharing spring break with Andi and visiting with Alex. Just finished a dinner with the Osburns and Gardeners and was talking about church. I was talking about the importance of connecting and ran across this article after dinner. This was GOD’s way of reminding me to tell you that I love you. This is a great article and emphasizes one of the biggest frauds where we stay away because we feel undeserving and have sin in our lives. It’s because of the sin in our lives that we should draw closer to GOD and allow His mercy to work in our lives. Again, I love you and wish you the best.
Darwin.